Tama-chan kick!

Here I go again.... it still need tweaking...but good enough for a preview.

I made it through to the next round of YouTube's Next Top Vidder! And I almost have 100 subscribers! Yay!

Four days...four days...I finally got my fricking confirmation e-mail from NDK. I was panicking for a while there...But everything's ready! I even got my boots last week! Now, I just gotta get the makeup right...And get glue. Can't forget that.

Every single one of my paychecks has a purpose from now until Christmas...stress...but not bad stress.

Well I'm tired and just had to get that bit of excitement out before I sleep. I work at ten today...damn it... T_T

Nightnight.

Gerard Way and Lyn-Z had a baby last May? It seems like only yesterday, he got married right here in Colorado. They named her Bandit. ^^

As for NDK: My boots should be here next week. I found a ride, the room's reserved, I preregistered last month, I took off for that weekend two weeks after I started working at Sonic... Is this really happening?

I like my new icon. Ha, Gerard as JFK. RIP Ted Kennedy, by the way.

Anyway, back to my vidding. I've been getting more plug-ins for Vegas, so I'm having a blast.

I miss old MCR. Growing up sucks.

It's been a year since Andrew died. Weird. I wanna get Andi something from the con, probably a plushie. XD

Cristhian bailed. Last minute. For NDK. She's still paying for gas and half of a room that she was supposed to get a very long time ago. Yeah, I'm pissed at her.

I'm currently posting avidly on the NDK forums to see if anyone's willing to take in two strays...Everyone else said someone would. Here's to hoping. Luckily, I know some other people going as well, maybe they'll give us a ride. Sarah has no room so I didn't ask; I don't want to put anyone out.

On the bright side, I finished my incredibly easy Haruhi wig for my Ouran cosplay, and now I'm working on my last wig FINALLY which is a bitch. My boots are going to be ordered tuesday which will be fun.

Mari asked if I could borrow 20 bucks for her Orgi coat but the only money I have left out of this paycheck is 8 dollars which made me feel bad considering the Cristhian fiasco. Last minute glitches are about as fun as splitting a lip: Not the worst thing that could happen, but annoying nonetheless.

Anyway, It's late and I carhop tomorrow. Er, today. Damn it. But, yay, tips.

Apparently love was my weakest point, so they assigned me to do a shipper vid... DAMN IT!

All in all, it turned out pretty well.

Hopefully I'll make it to the next round...

So Tama-chan is doing good. -hugs laptop- I'm a slave to technology.

Since when has Mari worked at Walmart?!?! I found this out today and asked Nick about it and he said " a while". Which made me wan to kick him. Because I'm unnecessarily violent when it comes to menial details. Yay!

I saw Annie at work a few days ago at work. Right before she went to see Harry Potter, which I saw at the midnight showing like last time. Eh. The book, of course, was better. They left out too much but, hey, what can ya do?

So I'm going to Elitch's on the 28th. Some Sonic thing. Company picnic I guess? Oh well, it'll be my first time going there so it should be interesting. I have my mom's company picnic to worry about two days before. Her and her weird coworkers. o.O

I've been making videos like crazy, trying to complete something AMAZING and UNIQUE for NDK. For my own sanity as well. I'm even learning after effects...woot.

Death Note + Green Day = ?

Ouran + The Ataris = maybe.

Read or Die + random song I haven't chosen yet = I'd like to but probably not.

I'm going to go search for some decent fanfic now. I want to read and I don't want to pay for reading right now. Hooray for fanfiction!

And HA! I found the right username! Beware of my incredible "finding stuff" skillz. Yes, skills with a "z"; aren't I original?

Anyway, AJ needs sleep and...more sleep. See?

G'night.

Um...wow.

Just...

...wow.

Cuz I can.

In the light of a new day, the past darkness fades effortlessly into nothing. We remember the night, the chill it brought into our bones, and how our eyes adjusted the surrounding black. It seemed endless. That’s the thing about black: it has no end. We feel as if we could sink into it forever. And with that darkness, we always seemed surprised that it shrinks as the sun again rises. We forget that night does in fact end. No matter how long the night, it always must end. It’s comforting and terrifying to think about; after all endings are always unknown, which is exactly what we as human beings fear.

Perhaps, subconsciously, I don't want the night to end; when it's over, what will I have left?

"Are we growing up
Or just going down?"

A/N from my FF.Net: If you'll remember, I wrote a WWE-bashing poem two years ago. I tried to watch again and see from the other point of view, that's when a friend of mine introduced me to a few old DVDs of a wrestling company called TNA, the wrestling program that I've been watching ever since. This is a poem about the downfall of WCW, the nice little monopoly WWF had as it became WWE, and the uncertain future of TNA. You never know what the future will bring, right?

I was witness to a war once
A small force of veterans
Facing an insurmountable young army
Their leaders, two unfeeling men
Striving for riches and power
Thursdays held small fights
Hardly noticeable
But, oh, Mondays
Mondays waged great battles

As the dust settled
The greater of two evils
Prospered with his young warriors
Taking all the veterans stood for
Along with their comrades
It sickened me
Although I was very young
And did not understand

I praised the winner
For several more years
Until I watched it’s greed
Contort it purpose
And a Federation of warriors
Become the Entertainment
Of a power hungry old man
I could not stomach viewing
The glorious victors

It wasn’t until years later
That I thought anyone
Could face such an army
Without their own fate matching
That of the conquered veterans’

Through whispers I heard of another
A former veteran of the failed militia
Who started an underground resistance
Of young, skilled soldiers
Men who could fly higher, move faster
Rivaling the strength and skill
Of the power monger’s troops

The winners of the previous war
Tired, miserable, battling constantly
Driven like slaves rather than warriors
Had slowed, weakened
Their leader,
Bellowing at them to fight on
Did not see reason to worry
For his fortune and supporters
Hadn’t shifted in the slightest
Aside from those like myself
Who strayed out of disgust

The resistance grew rapidly
More than many others
As former soldiers joined their ranks
Supporters of the older army
Began to listen to this underground force
As they spoke truths of the evils
Their rival had committed
Leading many of those men
Who had fought so long
For nothing but spoils
To travel across enemy lines

For seven years,
This silent war has raged on
With nothing more threatening than
Harsh words from the resistance
And ignorance from the enemy
To show for it

The resistance has begun to fail
Resorting to tactics of their rivals
To prove a point? Maybe.
I’m not entirely sure
I pray for their prosperity
For their security
Though they have become
Somewhat reminiscent of the veterans
Relying on the histories of the old men
Rather than the strength of the young

Their future frightens me now
This force, small and fragile
Could be blotted out forever
By the selfish commander
Of the more powerful enemy
These men and women have
Given me hope in their fight
As nay-sayers continue to berate
My faith in this growing army
Hypocrites shouting of biased opinions
Praising a heartless war lord
While insulting our leader
Accusing him of the same

When will both sides break the silence
Of the coming war?
Could their ignorance turn in our favor?
Or will our hopes shatter
Under their sadistic leader’s shoe
As he struts away with our militia’s
Name and soldiers?
Could we ever put our arms down
And see these men's livelihoods
As more than "us and them"?

Let’s not speak of it.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!

I'm sorry, this was priceless.

I GOTS ME A NEW LAPTOP! Marvel at my amazing grammar.

I have dubbed my new dell Tama-chan, because Tamaki from Ouran is my favorite anime character at the moment. I remember when I bought Squishy...that was a pretty damn good day. Summer '07 was pretty awesome. My first goal is to remake my DN RP because we all agreed to put it on hiatus. Most of the original players are still involved and some newer ones too so I can't leave them hanging. After that, I need to rip the entire DN and OHSHC series onto the computer and redownload Vegas Pro and After Effects. I just finished Ouran. I'm just converting it. If I can't submit the remastered Counting Bodies video to NDK, I'll just make an entirely new "epic" (god I hate that word now) video. Then I shall be happy again.

I made one to "Disarm" (Death Note, L's POV to Light) but I rendered it about a week before Squishy crashed. I'll have to wait until I get my hard drive back to post it..

Oh and before I forget. *waves* Because I only read two people's LJs regularly.

Last monday was horrible. Sonic got slammed around 9:30 and I was supposed to be out at 10. Stupid college kids and deciding to go to sonic with all 300 of their closest friends. -_-;

Other than that, I gots me a phone! Which isn't that great but I'll take care of that in a few months. It at least texts and gives me the ability to call long distance numbers. Woot.

And now some black guy is hitting on me. I feel uncomfortable. T_T

Oh well. They all usually get the hint after talking to me for a few minutes.

God, I am TIRED of storms now! But anyway...

Time for sleep. I need energy for tomorrow. G'night.

People apparently don't like fast food when it rains. Eh, whatever. I got off of work early once again. I don't know...I should have a phone in a bout a week and a half. It's boostmobile since I'm incapable of sticking to a contract. For now, I'm okay with that. Unlimited everything and all I gotsta do is buy those little reboost cards once a month ($50 which isn't that bad).

I've almost gotten through the entire Ouran series again. I bought me some fabric to make the Ouran Middle School uniform shirt. Tamaki is not going to be easy to act like. Though I've been practicing at work. Yeah, at work. Except for the whole flirting thing. That'd be scary. I'm going to have to go somewhere to find violet contacts though - but first the phone so I can text people again. One thing at a time...that reminds me! I gotta give Squishy to Nick's boss to fix. He said he would so that makes meh happeh.

Julie went to Animazement (sp?) last weekend. She put up photos. Eh, her little sister has a KH group but uh...no. Just...no. Okay so I don't really have room to talk, but as a whole, I'm going to NDK for the vidding competition, the cosplay is just a bonus. I want to make at least one more contest-worthy AMV before the con. And knowing me, it'll take that long to make.

This is going to be a busy summer. I think I work on free rootbeer float night (June 3rd I believe...?). &*^^$%$(^%$%^$&%!!!!!!!! Not fun. But I get to work at night so it's worth it. Night crew's pretty awesome.

But I gotta go again. CSU 2 hour limit and all... T-T

I shall return! Eventually.

I shouldn't complain. I really shouldn't. I hate fast food. I watched the movie "Waiting..." yesterday and it put things in perspective. I'm going to be a college student in the fall and I should be working a better job than Sonic. I won't leave. At least they get tips. It's easy work that I get 7 something an hour for. Other people do this kind of work for years with no (real) complaints. But I'm searching like a mad woman for something more...decent.

I got the Green Day album. Love it of course.

Maybe your the runner up
but the first to lose the race
almost only really counts
in horseshoes and hand grenades

I'll look into going back to retail at least or office work. Hotels are hiring, that wouldn't be that bad.

But hey I'll get squishy fixed and maybe afford a new one. Anyway, I'm going to go because my two hours at CSU are almost up. Oh and DOLLHOUSE was renewed for second season! XDDD Yayness.

So...yeah AI finale today. Very important must leave to see Adam win. Because he's awesome. And stuff. -brain fart-

Anyway, less than 10 minutes left, must finish Ouran episode. x3 See ya!

Christian Bale. Howl's Moving Castle reference. XD

I don't wanna get lost
In the ocean
I don't wanna get lost
In the ocean now

I figured that, considering I've had this account since '05, I should use it like I used to: an actual journal. Fun, fun, fun.

So TNA is on right now, and Amazing Red came back tonight! I mean I only really remember him from the DVDs (god I miss those DVDs...).

"Why is it, Daniels, that you and Suicide have the same build? I mean c'mon you think we couldn't recognize that ass?!" - Chris Sabin

I'm sorry that was hilarious. I constantly sometimes question the Motor City Machine Guns' sexuality. Either way they're one of the best tag team's I've ever seen.

Anyway, back to my point. OH MY GOD! TRANSFORMERS! As I was saying...

So as per usual around this time of year, it's spring, I'm going job crazy, and for some reason I enjoy be single. Dear god they gave ODB's redneck (I say it like he's a pet) a match against Abyss. And Stevie Richards is still lame.

This happens every year! (Not the TNA shtuff.) It weirds me out because suddenly, while "mating season" is going strong, I don't care anymore. I mean at the very beginning of Spring, yeah I did. Very much. It was pathetic. And now? Nothing. Just like last year. This time last year, I was dating that gay douchebag and wasn't giving him much thought at all other than "I don't have to go home and see Rick today!". In fact, I had more a crush on freaking David Cook. I miss David Cook... speaking of American Idol! No, not really.

Shut up, Booker T. You're mom's the most dominant force ever.

Yes, I'm talking to the TV. It entertains me.

I applied at some places I found on craigslist today. Ace hardware and Rasta Pasta...either cashier or server. Do I know how to do any other jobs? I really don't want an office job. I'll take one if it comes down to it. I hope it doesn't but I can't be choosey.

Tweek, tweek, tweek, tweek... Thank you, Mick Foley.

So I need to somehow afford red contacts. And a wig. Damn it. Stupid cosplay. Not really, Cris and I are having fun. ^^ I've been seeing "XIV" written on walls in graffiti everywhere so I think that's a sign. A sign that I can actually wear that coat my mother and I worked our asses off on. I gotta chop off my hair anyway for my DN cosplay. Yay short hair again! I don't really like it long, the layers haven't grown in so it just looks funny. The people on the NDK thread on gaia are pretty nifty. At least I'll know some people, aside from the obvious. XD Cris as Misa. The hilarity will ensue.

You are, you are! I am, I am!

Hahaha I had to. God damn it, Joe didn't come out to the ring. So AJ's gotta go it alone against Booker and Nash. Nation of Violence, my ass.

I gotta get a job soon or else I'll go into a depression. At least that's what I'm told. I can see it. I'm sleeping more. Never leaving the house. Watching Bobby Lashley make his way out to the ring.

OH, now Samoa Joe decides to show up. Jerk. Son of a bitch! Joe's being a jackass and not even participating in the damn match. A Wrestlemania headliner/former champion was signed to TNA in a 3 year contract? Here we go. Odds are I won't finish this post until I know who.

This is another one of those random posts I guess. I had a point to this. I think. M.E.M. have been in TNA for 7 months. That's 7 months too long. I hate the Mafia. Okay I'm confused. Who was signed? Damn it, TNA! *shakes fist angrily* At least Sting's back. Even he was a better Champion than Mick. Again, no offense to Mick.

Okay my point?: I'm good with being alone for now. Probably til the end of the summer, as usual. Summer is good generally. Easier to get a job too. =3

I don't really even care
That I'm alone now
(Whoa, whoa)

I miss reffing. 'Tis fun. T-T Last summer was awesome when I got to referee. Actually, the last two summers were pretty good. My goal is to pend a week back East and another week in NC to visit Julie and Andi. I wanna see meh niece! And I wanna see Kyle and Shani. Besides, Kyle's hot. Nothin' like a good piece of eye candy, eh? Never date him 'cause he's a whore but that's okay. Giggity.

Note to self: apply for server/host position tomorrow. Maybe I'll bring Cristhian with me.

I took a survey the other day and it was one of those iPod shuffle ones. Describe your last family reunion: "Many Shades of Black" - The Raconteurs. ^^;

I should wrap this up now. I just had to vent a little bit. Get out all my thoughts before I combust. Werrd. I guess all I wanted to say is...everything. Besides Rick's not here anymore so I have no reason to get off the computer. ^-^

Now I'm going to go seach craigslist for more jobs. Because I needs me a life. And money for a car. Mostly the latter.

And I don't really give a damn about
Falling in love

I'll prolly post again in a few days or whenever I'm employed. Either one. I gotta let Cristhian know what's goin' down tomorrow. I think I'm turning more black (mentally, not physically). I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Holla.

Why won't you wait for me?
Why aren't you waiting for me?
Why won't you wait for me?
Why aren't you waiting for me?

(No, no NEVER AGAIN)

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS IS BACK AS CHRISTOPHER DANIELS! I think I squee'd a little bit when he was announced as the final member of team Jarret.

Anyway, that is all.

And like I expected there it is.

Maybe you don't care, that's fine, but you know I do and what? You're going to play with me? Wow, aren't you just a stand up kinda girl?

It's funny that in everything, I still end up next to the same three people, the people who told me repeatedly that you gave them a bad feeling. I must've been blind, right?

And I write the way I write and that's it. I enjoy being blunt.

I'd like an straight answer: When was our friendship over in your head?

No. Nevermind. I don't want to be goaded into this little game anymore than I already have and I said what I needed to say. You can mock me all you want, I'm going to say what I want the way I want. I'm sure the past posts when I was all alone and saying horrible things that you were just laughing up a storm.

"Wake up and face me
Don't play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say
You fucking disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way"

And here we go.

There's this little thing called equality that apparently the little town of FoCo forgot.

I don't like people who say things about me behind my back. I lost several friends this last year with that one fact. I also don't tolerate people talking down to my friends when they go out of their way to do something nice. Oh and last September? During the Rick thing? I was looking for the help of my best friend and his family and what? That made me a bad person? That made me a weak person?!

I wasn't a friend. I was an obstacle that was eventually supposed to lie down and take it. Leave, make new friends and break that promise I made.

I really don't want to be around someone who has a superiority complex that revolves around their inferiority complex.

I'm sorry things are going badly for you but guess what? Deal.

"Whatever's causing the Joan Collins attitude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever."

Never tell me I didn't care. I may not like you, but there will always be that little thought in the back of my head wondering if you're okay even if you -ahem- "don't care what happens to AJ". Yeah, I heard about that one. Karma's a bitch.

I let go because I don't want to be you. But there is no power on this Earth that would make me let go of my best friends. Him included. I'm not going to pretend I understand your pain, but I'm not going to give in to anyone.

My mom was again right about someone. And again I was wrong. Figures, right?

It hurts usually when people don't believe when I know I'm telling the truth but fuck it. I believe me, that's all I need.

This job thing is completely getting ridiculous... ALL I WANT IS A FUCKING JOB! I need the money, the human interaction, and the ability to have a life like everyone else does.

I can't help my mom who is struggling, I can't in anyway pay off any of my outstanding debts, and I can't even relate to most of my friends anymore...except Cristhian. That's it. I hear everyone else listing off names of people the know now, new friends, and here I am hiding in my fucking room from the biggest fucking douchebag who ever lived because HE JUST WON'T FUCKING LEAVE. I don't know how to get out of this and I'm terrified that everyone will move on and leave the same stupid little clingy AJ who can't find a job for the life of her because she doesn't have NEARLY enough experience for ANYTHING. I can't even get a fucking job at McDonalds. They're all only hiring for management. All the service/retail jobs available aren't even in town and I'm one step away just breaking down completely and giving up.

Nothing else seems to be working.

And god fucking damn it I don't want anyone's fucking pity, I want my friends! I want to have a fucking life!